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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Mourning The Loss Of A Child

Many of you already know this- and, I'm not dealing well with it. I HATE the fact that I may not beable to "hold" another baby in my tummy, to feel the tiny flutters of little body parts tickling my insides, to go through labor, to nurse another baby, to watch a baby grow into a child.... My body sucks...... Tonight, I cry b/c there may never be a 3rd baby Duncan. I may never be a mom to a daughter, I may never have 3 sons. I'm so THANKFUL for the 2 beautiful, wonderful blessings God has given me. But, yet- I mourn for a child I may never have. I'm throwing myself a full blown pity party, I ask for your prayers- to help me deal with this. This is God's will. I have to remind myself that if it's meant for Adam & I to have 3 children, we will. God will make sure of it; some how, some way. That still doesn't make this emptiness go away. The hurt doesn't stop. We will re-evaluate the "baby" situation again next year and see what "I" look like. If we are able to get pregnant again, I'll be doomed for bedrest - again. But, thats ok. If weeks and weeks of bedrest mean we have another baby, then- by gosh-- I'll lay on my hiney for a very long time! Bedrest also means my mom & Dave have to be ready! And, Adam of course!! So, please just say a prayer for us. Adam has taken this pretty hard to.

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