Logen is DESPERATE for your prayers. Pray blog family, PLEASE pray. Just grab this code and add it to your blog (html gadget) so you can help us spread the word! Thanks! Pray for Logen

A sincere THANK YOU to all of you who have added this to your blog! And, to Anelys for creating such a cute blinkie!!

Monday, December 31, 2007

It Hit Me Again....

I love my Papaw dearly. He's a terriffic man. I enjoy our long phone conversations, and will try to be even better in the new year about making it a weekly thing. We don't get to see him as often as I'd like to, it's a four hour trip both ways. While we were visiting him on Saturday, it hit me (again) that my Meme is gone. She's been gone nearly 13 years. Doesn't make it any easier. I walked into her very pink bathroom and noticed things remaining the same. The kleenex box & the vanity mirror still on the counter top, where she put them. I had to peek in the medicine cabinet. This is when I didn't think I could make it out of the bathroom with a smile on my face. Her sunless tanner & face wash were still on the top shelf. The shelf below it had several medications that expired in June 1996. The expiration date on the boxes- seeing that made my eyes swell. How do you leave that kind of stuff there for so long? I sat down on the toilet and looked to the door, fully expecting my Meme to barge in. She didn't.
I thought, Lord please let me know she's ok. But, I know she is. She's dancing with the Angels. She loved Angels. There are still many "Angel things" around the house. I think my Meme wanted to dance with them more than anything. So, I shouldn't be sad. I should rejoice that her dreams have come true. But, I can't.
I'm mad at the fact that my children will never know their Meme on Earth. I'm mad that Eric & I never got to take a train to NYC for our 16th birthdays. Like she promised us. I'm mad that the day she feel into a coma was the day that Bree & I were mean to her and didn't want her to take us swimming too. I'm mad at her for making me eat Pimento Cheese Sandwiches. And happy that the first night Bree & I stayed with her alone was a few nights before she went to live with Jesus. We got to stay up late and eat chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
Blog family- I know it's been so long since Meme left us. Holidays can be hard and can make you re-face the fact that your loved ones are no longer with you. Can you say a prayer for my Papaw? He seems to be fine, but you never know. There are somethings people just don't talk about.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Peace Out :)

Hey Blog Family!
Hope you all are recooperating from Christmas :) We still have WAY to much ham in our fridge. My Momma bought a 15lb ham for 5 people! I'm going to turn into a ham!! I have several pictures to share, just haven't gotten around to it. We are heading out of town this afternoon and should be back late Sunday. I'm hoping to get some Christmas pics on here before 2008 :)

Have a great weekend!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Lets Say Thanks!

Something cool that Xerox is doing:
If you go to this web site www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card. Then Xerox will print it and send it to a soldier currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. Please pass this on!

Friday, December 21, 2007

My Christmas Gift To You~

Long Over Due~ Parker's 1st Birthday Pictures

Another Call From St Louis

I just got off the phone with the APN at the CP center in St Louis. I had asked several questions about Logen's MRI findings (since, to me- they appeared totally different!!!) She said she would talk to Dr Brunstrom and give me a call back. Dr B studied the MRI's very carefully and came to the comclusion, that they are actually similiar. It wasn't the same Radiologist (nor the same hospital) that interpretted the 2 MRI's- which is one reason the findings appeared so different. She said that the views were different on the 2, which is why the impressions seemed different. I still don't see where a 'scar' came from. Could be just what the 1st Neuro thought?! Especially if one MRI said, "prominence of certain areas, otherwise normal brain MRI". I guess that is something we will ask when we see Dr B in January. This is all rather confusing!

Hugs Blog Family :)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Monkey In Make-Up

Logen found my makeup drawer (again!). He decided to 'beautify' himself with Momma's brown eyeliner. He got the general area correct!

The First Snow of The Season

Snow fell 12/15/2007. Logen enjoyed running around outside. We didn't get a great deal of snow, perhaps an inch- at most. I'm hoping we get a snow after Parker starts walking so he can go outside and play to!

Our First Ice

December 10, 2007- Didn't cause any great problems here, but Oklahoma got hit hard! The Tulsa Airport was closed for 2 days b/c of power loss.

Friday, December 14, 2007

A "Parker" Story

I have never written a journal entry about my pregnancy and think I should write something down before I forgot all the of great events of my eventful pregnancy. I had every intention of blogging this on his 1st bday, but since I was 'puter-less' I was unable to. Today is Parker's due date (1 year ago, of course). So, I thought I'd blog about it today.

Before I got pg with him I was on blood pressure meds. Dxed with Mitral Valve Prolapse (my BP was about 130ish/110ish - the norm is 120/80), I was also on anti-anxiety meds b/c I was slightly depressed and began having anxiety attacks. School was only one cause. The label on the blood pressure med clearly said- Do NOT get pregnant while taking this med. Ok, so it wasn't worded exactly like that- but pretty dang close. In Jan '06 I had a weird 14 day period. Feb was the same. So here comes March and I spotted for like a day. I thought- "thank you Jesus for such a short period!!!" I had mono in March 06- was on antibio's for almost the entire month b/c I wasn't getting better- turns out they basically canceled out the birth control (go figure!) I had also started taking diet pills mid march-early April. I noticed my gut was getting big. Around that time, that drug for women- cortisol, I think- came out talking about stubborn belly fat caused by stress... yada yada. So, I thought that was what was happening to me- stubborn belly fat!

Easter weekend we went to visit my Dad's family. My big sis had just found out she was pregnant with her first. I remember sitting in her vehicle at Sonic after church that Sunday and she was talking about the grease making her ill. I was thinking, ya- I totally agree! So, on our drive home I told Adam I thought I *might* be pregnant. All b/c of greasy food! I told him I'd test Monday morning.

I dropped Logen off at therapy that Monday (4/17/06) and went to Wal-Mart for a HPT. I took it in the bathroom- within seconds, + showed up! I started bawling. I was super scared, mainly b/c of all the meds I was on (BP meds, anti-anxiety, ambien CR, & the diet pills) . I called Adam- he was also freaking out- b/c of the meds. I called my OB and they got me in on Wed to make sure everything was ok, check my BP, etc etc. Amazingly- my BP was normal. I stopped all of my meds Sunday b/c I was just about sure I was pg.

Around 9ish weeks, I started bleeding. I was cooking dinner (it was pasta with red sauce- it's amazing I remember that) and looked down b/c something started dripping. It was bright red blood. My first thought was I'm loosing the baby. I called my OB and he said to take it easy and come in in the morning (the ER was not necessary b/c if it were a m/c they couldn't stop it). The nurse called me at 8am to make sure I was coming in. I went in a few hours later to do an u/s- there was a HB. Baby was still alive. I bled on and off. Around 12 weeks, I started cramping and the bleeding worsened. I went in to the Dr, we did another u/s and baby was still fine. That night I remember sitting at Logen's PT's house visiting and I started bleeding very heavy. Soaking through more than 1 pad an hour. I called Adam and we decided to meet at the ER. We sat there for 6 hours- no joke. I remember around the 2nd time I asked for another pad, the nurse was horribly mean and said- honey if you are having a m/c there is nothing we can do. You just have to let it pass. Obviously, she didn't have children. I sat there thinking- God, please send me a sign! Shortly afterwards, a lady walked in with her baby- who needed to be seen b/c he was sick. I thought, what the heck? Is the sick baby a sign that my baby won't make it or my that my baby is ok?! When we finally got back, we did another u/s- baby was fine. They kept me overnight for observation. At 16 weeks, I was still bleeding. We had switched OB's (same clinic, but my OB's nurse had been a butt to me! Actually, we switched by accident. My OB was out and Dr H had an opening and agreed to see me. Adam & I feel in love with him!) He decided to do another u/s to see if he could find a cause for the bleeding. He did- a subchorionic clot. He scheduled me to see a perinatologist 2 days later. At that point, I was very worried! When we were in clinic, he said in the next few weeks we need to get you in to see a specialist. Imagine the fear when the nurse called me that afternoon and said we scheduled you an appt for Thursday.

The peri did an u/s (6/29/06) and found the same thing. He said to take it easy. And he wanted to see us back in 4 weeks. We asked if he could see any 'parts' on the baby. I was just barely 16 weeks. He said, "It looks like your baby has a third leg". I am not kidding, he really said that! This dude was a quack, but a very intelligent one. LOL I was still convinced he was not a he, but a she- we told everybody (but my mom) we did not know the gender.

I continued to bleed for the next 4 weeks. At 21 weeks, we went back to the peri. Everything looked normal with the baby. My cervix, however- was not so normal looking. They like it to be more than 4 cm long. Mine, was about 2.5- it had started thinning out. At 22 weeks, we started seeing the OB weekly and he checked me at each visit.

I had a Dr's appt Sept 15 (I was 27 weeks exactly). Dr H did the normal "checking me" routine. This time he looked up at me with this worried look. He said, you need to get to the hospital. You are dialated to 1cm. I was freaking out! He did allow us to go home and pack a bag, but I needed to be back in an hour or less. When I arrived, I got all checked in and was shortly wisked away to have an u/s. I was also given my first dose of steriods for lung/brain development. I think I asked every possible question I could to the nurse about "what if he comes now". The next evening- I had my second dose. And, was discharged on 'strict bedrest'. Each week, I dialated a little more. Around 31ish weeks, I had progressed even quicker, so we did another round of steriods. I remember thinking I was going to deliver on halloween. I'd be 33wks and 5 days. I thought, if not then- Nov 2nd would be it. My 8 weeks on bedrest sucked, to say the least. I did get frequent u/s's though. Kinda interesting to watch Parker grow that way. I did enjoy just laying on the couch watching my belly wiggle. Logen never wiggled like that.

On Halloween I had a Dr's appt. My bags were in the car, b/c I just knew Parker would be here that night. I knew we wasted $ on Logen's Halloween costume (he was the cutest little lion ever!) I went in and was dialated to 3cm.The next day, was the same as any other. Except Logen got sent home from school sick. We had to keep him home Thursday, no matter what. My mom had a meeting that she couldn't miss. I didn't want Adam to have to take off work again- he'd taken off on Halloween b/c I swore I was going to have a baby and wanted him close, just in case. So, me on bedrest said- I'll keep Logen at home. It shouldn't be to bad. I can just keep putting in movies for him and we can lay on the couch all day. Hahaha

I got up November 2nd, went to the bathroom and a lovely clump of red came out. I called Adam and my mom and told them. I told Adam we have to get to the hosp. He left work immediately. I called my nurse and she said to come to the clinic for Dr H to check Then, if needed we would go next door to the hospital. Being a clean freak- I jumped in the shower to make sure I smelled good. I had my makeup on and hair done by the time Adam got home.

My mom met us at Dr H's b/c I told her we were probably having the baby. We sat in the room waiting for Dr H to come in. I sat there, thinking "It's like a zoo in here". It was me, Adam, my mom, & Logen. I was dialated to 6cm by then. He told us he'd call to L & D and tell them to get ready for delivery. He'd also call the other hosp and have the NICU get ready. Adam asked if I needed to be pushed over in a wheel chair. Dr H said it didn't matter at this point b/c Parker would be here in the next few hours. So, I needed to do what was more comfortable for me. I opted to walk b/c I'd been in the bed for so long. I was in tears walking over. I cried when they got me situated and all checked in. I pretty much cried most of my labor. I was paniced!

The delivery room was a zoo. My mom & Adam were letting me squeeze there hands. I refused pain meds b/c I knew that I couldn't leave to see my baby if I had any. My hubby admitted I am pretty dang strong when need be! One of my dearest friends, Paige, took pics. She came to the hospital, but not expecting to stay in the room. My mom was going to do it, but her hand was being squeezed a nice purple color. Dr H (OB), 2 Ob nurses, the Neonatologist, 2 nursery nurses, & a neonate nurse. At the wide open doors to my room were 2 male EMT's ready to transfer if something went wrong and the baby needed to go then. The NICU was about a 30 minute drive from where I delivered, depending on traffic.

I remember my mom saying Parker will be here before 7pm. Around 6:30, I was telling the nurses it burned and I was pushing. I couldn't help it at that point. The blonde OB nurse said, have you ever heard the 'ring of fire' phrase for labor? Heck no... apparently right before you deliver you feel like theres a ring of fire going to come out. I can vouch for that!!! I swear Parker's head was going to flop out before Dr H got over there. He was carefully putting on his booties, gown, gloves, etc. I was yelling 'come on!'.

My mom was right, at 6:58pm Parker was born! He weighed 4 lbs and 6 oz. He was 17 inches long. Since Parker was going to the NICU, I told my OB I had to be discharged. He said if I insisted, he'd consent. Only b/c my mom is an RN and would be staying at the house, so that if something were to happen- she'd know what to do. I had to stay until 11pm. At 11, we were walking out of the hosp so we could go see our new baby. When we got to the NICU, we were only allowed to look. It really bites when you can't touch or hold the baby you've been carrying for so long.

The next 10 days were pretty rough. You mommies that have to leave your babies in the NICU for months are STRONG and TOUGH. The NICU journey is another post. This one has really become a novel :)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Simple Things

This morning I was driving to take Logen to therapy. I glanced on the side of the road to a puddle. In the puddle, was a beautiful bird- bathing. (Not the bird above, I didn't have my camera handy). I've been thinking about it all morning. It reminded me that no matter what kind of day I may have, the world goes on. I can be curled up in fetal position crying my eyes out b/c the stresses of dealing with a disABLED child are to much to handle, yet birds still bathe. It's more of a metaphore. It meant alot to me this morning. It made me smile. And, anything that can make me smile is worth blogging about. So, ponder on it. Think of a bird bathing in a little freezing puddle. It's so simple...

My Fortune Cookie told me:
People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

MRI 1 vs MRI 2

I said I'd post this a while back- just haven't had a chance! So, here's the Findings & Impressions on the 1st & 2nd MRI's. Can you decifier this???

MRI # 1 (1/31/2005)

Findings: The myelination is somewhat delayed for a 17 month old infant. However, it could be WNL if the patient was born significantly prematurely. {Logen was born at the end of 36 weeks, not considered premature} There appears to be some gliosis and mild atrophy in the left mesial temporal lobe as well.

MRI # 2 (6/18/2007)

There is prominence of the subarachnoid spaces, perivascular spaces, and Virchow-Robin spaces. The echo planar susceptibility (T2*) sequences reveal no evidence of acute or chronic hemorrhage. The ventricles are normal in size and position without evidence of hydrocephalus. There are no areas of abnormal contrast enhancement. There is no evidence of optic or hypothalamic glioma.
On the sagittal images the midline markers are unremarkable. Specifically, the scalp and calvarium are normal. The superior sagittal sinus demostrates normal venus flow. The corpus callosum is normal in shape and signal intensity. The posterior fossa in unremarkable. The upper cervical spinal cord and spine are normal.
The visualized portions of the orbits, mastiods, and paranasal sinuses are unremarkable. Normal flow viods are demostrated in the carotid arteries and basilar artery.

MRI # 1 (1/31/2005)

Impression: Probable gliosis and encephalomalacia in the left mesial temporal lobe. Delayed myelination for an infant born term. If the patient was born significantly premature, the myelination could be WNL.

MRI # 2 (6/18/2007)

Impression: Prominence of subarachnoid spaces, perivascular spaces, and Virchow-Robin spaces. Otherwise, normal brain MRI.

When I opened the newest MRI report, I about FLIPPED! Those of you who I talk to regularly can agree!! LOL So, WHAT DOES LOGEN HAVE!?!??!?!?!? The Neuro ordered some blood amino acids tests and a urine organic acid test. I will call Thursday or Friday to check results. She said that sometimes a child doesn't process or break down amino acids, which can mimic CP. Logen's therapists have said that while is tone is spastic- it doesn't apper "CPy" Does that make sense. Now, we wait. Once again........ If Arkansas Children's misdiagnosed Logen, I am going to be LIVID! Esp if what he has is curable. LIVID, I tell you, LIVID!

So, what do YOU think?????

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

~Ambrose Redmoon

A Little Vent

I started PT yesterday afternoon. I wanted to cry when I left! He didn't make me do too many exercises that were 'hard', but man did they make me hurt!!!! He told me that I haven't been using those muscles, and thats why they would be a bit more sore after stretching them out. You think????!!!!! I haven't been using them b/c they HURT! LOL He also told me I should be going w/o the sexy neck brace more frequently. Apparently I am compensating for my weaknesses. Hmmmm.... who do I sound like?? (Logen... cough cough) He wants to see my 2x a week. Seriously, I will NOT push Logen to come home & do a ton of work after therapy. I was exhausted after therapy!!! And, Logen goes for 3 hours at a time. Maybe I should re-think that! No wonder he can be crabby when he's done! Now I feel like a mean 'ole momma!! ;)

In case any of you don't know--- This totally bites! I wish that dude wouldn't have hit me. (Like anybody really wants to be hit, right? I was lucky, I know this- it could have been FAR worse. God was watching over us. Thank You Jesus!) I am a very busy lady. I have a lot to do. I really don't have time to do anything for myself. Much less spend 40 mins in a car driving there, 1 hour in therapy, and 40 minutes driving home. Apparently, he didn't know that when he was driving like a goober and just 'ladeda'd' right into the back of my van. Maybe I should put a HUGE stop sign back there that says, "Do not hit me. I do not have time to deal with all that it requires. Thanks. Have a Blessed Day." You think that would work? I'm super paranoid every time I come to a stop. I stop and quickly look into my rearview mirror and say a little prayer that the person coming to a hault behind me really comes to a hault and doesn't use my bumper to do so. I do it everytime. It's almost pathetic at this point. Enough venting, I have things to do. Parker is sitting under my feet driving a truck on them. He wants some Mommy time before we get Logen in a hour.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Parker's Sick

Took Parker to the Dr this morning, he's got croup. Nice! The poor kiddo has been battling snot for the last 2 weeks. He's now on Orapred (a steriod) which makes the kiddo nuts (and me too!).

He may also have Echsema (I can't spell this word, I hope you get what I'm saying). Dr told us to stop using Johnson's baby wash. It apparently can strip the paint off of a car?! She gave us a sample of a lotion to try and a coupon (how thoughtful) for it. We will also throw out our J & J and buy Aveeno.

Parker weiged in at 19.6 lbs this morning! Woohooo my 13 month old is almost 20 lbs!! He has stood on his own 2x today! For a total of 30 seconds each time! He's beginning to get interested in pushing his walker thing around, although he stays in the bedroom on the carpet. The wood floor is too dangerous. Right now, he's pushing Logen's kiddie table chair around the kitchen. Silly boy!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Logen update

Logen's labs were done last week- Wednesday. I should be hearing something from St Louis by next Friday.

Me, In Therapy....

Hey blog family. Still w/o a computer. Borrowing Mom's again. I'm really started to *hate* Best Buy right now.

An update on me: I start Physical Therapy Monday. I'm still hurting. The back pain really started increasing over the weekend. The Nurse at the Neurosurgen's office said thats normal for the lower back to start hurting several days later. Oh, ya- the appt with the Neurosurgen last Friday- was absolutely a WASTE of 250.00!!! Really, he didn't tell me anything the ER didn't already tell me. And, told me they'd call this week with a treatment plan. Got the call today. After leaving a voicemail 2x Monday and 1x today. Go figure.

A little vent: I sat in the parking lot of the Dr's office last Thursday in tears. I walked in ready to see the dr. The checker-inner person said we need the police report and 250.00. I said, I have neither. How about a copy of my health care insurance? I'll gladly give you my 40.00 specialist co-pay. She said, "Mam, they will deny your claim. This was caused by a 3rd party. We've seen it time and time again." I said, "Can't you bill them anyway and take a letter from my attorney saying he's dealing with this crap, yada, yada, yada". I walked out in tears, called my attorney- he called them. Blah, blah. I had to come back Friday. Mind you, it's not like a hop away- it's a good 30 minutes to his clinic. My WONDERFUL Mom & Dave paid the 250.00, b/c there is no way we could have come up with the money. And, apparently in order for the dude that hit me's insurance to pay for my bills I have to follow Dr's orders. Which means, I had to go to this guy- regardless. This is terribly inconvient for me. I did not asked to be hit. I did not throw my vehicle into reverse and say, oh- I think I'd like to be in a wreck today. Just sounds like fun. I'm going to enjoy my neck, back, shoulders, and head hurting for oh- the next couple of months. Hmmm..... Serioiusly! Why now???? I have alot on my plate. And, some idiot decides to inconvience me. Nice. Thanks dude, whoever you are. Glad you weren't hurt and you better be glad my kids weren't hurt b/c I'd have gone ape "beep" on your donkey butt. Ahh.... I feel better, for now......

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