Logen is DESPERATE for your prayers. Pray blog family, PLEASE pray. Just grab this code and add it to your blog (html gadget) so you can help us spread the word! Thanks! Pray for Logen

A sincere THANK YOU to all of you who have added this to your blog! And, to Anelys for creating such a cute blinkie!!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Answers You May Noy Want To Know

We got the hosp yesterday at 930am. The nurse wasn't the best.(wouldn't recommened if) Nice & caring, bit also great at giving meds to make me not hurt so bad. Dr The Dr and anesthesia came in along with keeping my sanity. Believe me when I say this- IT HURT'S SO BAD!!!! If you want your boobies done, feel free to email me or call me with quesions. I can't get out of bed on my own, go to the bathroom alone. I even painted my tooties :) I go back in on May 9th for a follow up. I will post pics here & a few on my private blog. Again, please day a prayer for me to recover and that Adam and Mom will be in great shape!

Does anybody have any yummy easy recipes near ya, might help. Passing out sitting here- do you have anything? Thanks for the kind words, love, and hugs. It's appreciated like no other!!!!
* The news is on, this is one main story~ (and they are ircking me) Let kids believe in Santa!

I cant read what I'm typing, btter sign out!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Casting Crowns

Many of you, especially close friends, family, and private blog readers know what a hard time I've had in the last week. I've struggled with everything. Life, kids, weight, Cerebral Palsy, Logen's therapy, pretty much everything. I was driving to meet my Mom for lunch Friday and put in one of my favorite cd's- Casting Crowns, Lifesong. I have a few fav's on the cd, but decided to let it play through today. I found a song that seemed to fit life lately. I played it over and over and over. I knew the words before today & I've always just sang along, but I guess I never really listened to the message. Listen to the video. Make sure to pause the music at the very bottom of the blog.

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I'll play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles that hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that's been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage?

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If i dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?
I sat in the parking lot at my pre-op (thankfully, I arrived early) wanting to cry. My relationship with God is certainly not a perfect one. I'm constantly asking for his forgiveness. And, I don't usually blog about my faith in our Lord. But something hit me when really listening to the lyrics. It was like, "Oh- I REALLY do need Jesus in my life. I need him now more than ever." The book thing from Friday night freaked me out a little. Then, I started thinking back to this. Jesus is trying to tell me something. And, I firmly believe that. He's letting me know, "It's going to be ok. We will make it through this. Like we have so much in the past. Take my hand and walk with me. You can do it. I am the only perfect one. Let me guide you Jessica." I thank the Lord for Casting Crowns. Maybe it's going to take a song to make really see. I have alot to live for. And, I'm not doing it alone. I am never alone, b/c the Lord lives in my heart- forever. Thank you Jesus, for sending Earthly angels to watch over me. I have several of them. Melissa, Melinda, Kiera, Dawn, Suze, Tara, Andrea, Karen, Chrystie, Sheila, Steph- just to name a few that have helped me make it through the last week (I don't like naming people, I am always afraid I will leave somebody out!). And, these are just the ones who keep me going through email and text messaging! (B/c they live all over, I've never met them)


I ran into WalMart Friday night to grab a few things, mainly stuff to make sure the boys are well fed in the coming week. I stopped by the book isle to pick up a few books to *hopefully* read this week, since I won't be doing much else. I read a book by Elizabeth Flock earlier this year and thought she was a pretty good author. She had 1 other one at Walmart, so I grabbed it. I started reading it yesterday. The name, "But Inside I'm Screaming". Many of you know what's happened in my life in the last week. Well, I'm at a point in this book where she is going through something SOOO, SOOO, SOOO similiar to what I did last weekend. I sat there staring at a certain paragraph and was just thinking, "wow". Is it a good thing for me to continue reading this book or not? I think that maybe God placed this book in my hands for a reason? Does that sound silly? Why else would I grab a book like this one out of the blue. I didn't even read the back of it before I bought it. I started reading it and had no idea what it was about. I just thought it was ironic.


i am: trying to catch up on my blogging friends before I am out for a week
i think: about Logen's future. Today, I think about recovery and tomorrow
i know: that my husband is the most supportive, wonderful, caring man ever
i want: Logen to speak 'real' words
i have: 2 awesome, spoiled rotten children, refer to "I know" about my hubby
i wish: that my children would never know pain, but know the Lord intimately
i hate: putting away laundry
i miss: my Meme, my sisters, my daddy, Liz, all of my family I don't get to see often
i fear: recovery, the future- Logen's future to be exact
i feel: NERVOUS, anxious, scared, excited, sick to my tummy
i hear: the Christian radio station playing and the boys squeling
i smell: outside- the backdoors are open and the boys are running in and out playing
i crave: sweets, really chocolate- wishing I could keep food down- nerves!!!
i search: for ways to help Logen's life be the best it can be
i wonder: if Logen will ever stop aspirating, if he will ever talk
i regret: alot, the way I have scared my Mom & Adam lately
i love: my boys more than anything
i ache: for Logen
i care: about what others think of me
i always: think I'm not good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough
i am not: perfect, and thats something I working really hard to accept
i believe: that the Lord will help me get through this rough patch and tomorrow
i dance: through the house with my boys and practice turns I once did on dance team
i sing: when music is on, hoping nobody can hear- except my kids- they like it
i don’t always: have a spotless house, dinner done on time
i fight: with myself more than anyone
i write: things on my blog the rest of the world probably doesn't care to know :P
i win: the love of my babies and hubby everyday
i lose: my sanity daily, and when Adam walks in the door, I usually feel better
i never: eat fried potatoes. yuck-o-la
i confuse: lots of people, sometimes the things I say make no sense even to me
i listen: to my boys fight, yell, jabber, laugh everyday
i can usually be found: in my house, in my van, at L's therapy clinic, or WalMart
i am scared: of loosing the ones I love most
i need: my family, my friends, and you
i am happy about: tomorrow, going to Florida in August, possibly Minn in the fall

I would love for you to copy & paste your answers on your blog too! I stole this from Andrea M

A Monkey In 'Da Hooouusseee

As I type, my computer is on the kitchen table- what I see at this very moment. My smallest child (aka MONKEY) sitting behind the laptop ON THE TABLE. When we are not in the kicthen, the chairs go up on the table or in the garage. He's a climber. You have to watch him. I have found him hiding in various places such as; the bathroom cabinets, drawers, in the dryer, on the kitchen counter top, in the bathtub, beds, the couch, dining room table, coffee table, side tables, I could go on- The point is- this monkey keeps me on my toes!

* Logen walked in and saw this post. He was jumping (as best as he can) and signing "monkey" making some funky noises, that could be passed off as a monkey! He's a cute kid!

"Talker" Funny

Logen has been so silly with his talker this weekend. He is really impressing me with his skills! Last night he was *suppose* to be going to bed. The 2nd time he got out of bed, Adam went and got his talker and told him he needed to tell us what he kept getting up for.
This is what was said:
L: Milk
A: go get your cup
L: goes to get his cup and brings it back, hands it to dad
Me: Logen, you have a half cup of milk.
L: milk not enough
Me: laughter
L: boring milk

I am LOVING that he is able to communicate. I can't imagine how silly my little man would be if he could actually speak real words. His 'talker' words are funny. I think he's got a great sense of humor!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Totally Freaking!

So, today- I've pretty much polished off a bottle of yummy (icky) pepto. I mowed the front yard and it took me about 3x as long as it usually does b/c I kept having to make bathroom trips. I also did about 5 loads of laundry (wash, dry, put away), scrub the master bath (I mean really scrub- I took the shower doors off and washed them with the water hose and clorox {ok, Adam took them off}), re-arranged our bedroom, and cleaned it, changed everybodies sheets, cleaned the living room floors with ammonia, re-arrranged my kitchen counter tops and cleaned them. Can you tell I am trying very very hard to keep myself busy? In between bathroom runs, of course.

Anybody else want a text after (on the way to the hosp for sure!) surg Monday? I'm on central time. Surg is *suppose* to start at noon. No clue when discharge will be. I will most likely create a mass text before hand that says, "I made it through" and save it in my pending box then have my Momma (Adam is text illiterate) hit send when I am out of the OR. Email me if ya do~ jklduncan@yahoo.com

Dinner With Us

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Alfalfa-nator Parker

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Smart Cookie!

I have to brag on Logen! I am currently in the kitchen cooking dinner with my laptop open on the counter. I am going back and forth between playing on it and cooking. Logen walked into the kicthen and started hitting me. I looked at him and said, "What do you want?" kind of annoyed. He did a sign that I do not know. So, I said ok- lets get your talker out. His talker was on the "greetings" page. (Background info from today- I brought a few slices of pizza left from lunch with Parker, me, and my mom home and Logen noticed it {while in the pizza box, he did not open the box} in the van- he carried it to the fridge this afternoon)
Our conversation went like this.
L: hits "pages", "fast food", "pizza", "pepporoni", "thats all I want". He looks up at me like ok, Mom- get it. I wasn't sure whether to cry or jump for joy. Do you know how many hits that was?! 5!!!! Logen did a 5 hit sequence- without being prompted! I tried to call his SLP, she didn't answer- so I called Adam. He was super excited. I have tears in my eyes. Do you know how amazing this is? It's like the first 'real' talk I have ever had with my son. He had alot to say to his mommy!

Good To Go...

Hopefully!!!!! As long as my lab work comes back normal & my pregnancy test is negative (which it *should* be since ole' Aunt Flo is visiting this week)I am good to go for "a new me" on Monday!
The game plan:
No food, drink, gum, notta thing after midnight sunday
Be at the hospital at 9:30 am Monday, at this time my anxiety level will have like quadrupled (I flubbed on the spelling).
Surgery start time will be around 11ish. He has a minor surgery before mine that starts at 8. So, when he's done I imagine he'll take a break (I hope he'll take a break) then start on me.
My "official" surgery name: "bilateral breast augmentation and mammoplasty" To the real world, we are lifting & filling my, um, breasts.
I should be in the OR for 3-4 hours'ish'
Recovery time will vary, depending on how I handle the procedure & anesthesia

My appt took about an hour and a half today. Parker was with me and he was a little crabby. There were some great nurses who played with him though. We were walking out of the building and it was pouring, like 'cats and dogs' raining! I quickly folded up the stroller and ran with Parker and the stroller in my arms to the van. We jumped in the back and closed the door. I put Parker in his seat and climbed to the front. Can you picture this? Your laughing! I know, it was kinda funny. If anybody could see me through the rain, I am sure they were laughing at the sight of jumping into the back of a minivan with my child and a stroller- in a dress no doubt!!!

I am still thinking something is going to happen and I will not be having surgery Monday. It's like something is nagging me. I can't figure out why I keep thinking this. Maybe b/c I want this done so badly (and the last time I had breast surgery scheduled I ended up pregnant with Parker) I think it won't happen. I'm still nervous, and excited. I haven't figured out which one outweighs the other. Family doesn't know, unless the read my blog of course. Well, my Mom- but she's like my best friend- she knows just about everything! We are certainly not telling Adam's side, esp my MIL. They can figure it out on their own or just think I gained weight. Not like they'd notice anyway, I think his mother has seen Parker 4 times in his almost 18 months of life. It's pretty pathetic actually. I'm not going there on this post... In the next (less than 72 hours!) few days, you can expect "I'm totally freaking out" posts to appear! And, of course, no posts during recovery time. If you'd like recovery info, and I'm up to it- send me an email with your phone # and I can text you when I am able. I have had several requests. I told them that if they get a text that looks something like this "aldihoih" I am ok! :)

Love & Hugs blog family! My email is to your left! ~ J

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Pre-Op Is Tomorrow

Eck! So, I'm excited, nervous, scared, anxious, happy, I could go on. I'll post a little update when I get home and let you all know what's up. Everybody needs to stay well and drama free to this weekend. I keep thinking something is going to happen and I am going to have to cancel surgery on Monday. So, I am pleading with my family and friends- don't let it! :) Love to you all!!!!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


To those of you who have sent emails, texts, or calls. To check on me and tell me how much you love me. To tell me that I have changed your life in some way or another. I cannot tell you how much even a short "I am thinking about you" email means to me right now. I have sat down and actually cried happy tears b/c I am so overwhelmed that there are people out there (and even ones who have never met me) that love me and care if I am alive. So, if I don't respond to your individual emails right now- I'm sure you know why. Just know, every kind word you've sent means the world to me right now. I am so glad to be out of 'my hell' and happy to be back at home. I am still afraid to be alone, I am scared of things I might think. At this point, I don't think about death as often, just that it might be easier 'not here'. I also know that my children need me. And, for that simple reason- I couldn't hurt myself where it's final. It is wonderful to beable to check my email, blog, phone, etc and know you care. I cannot thank you enough.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Post On Private Blog

For those of you who read my private blog- I have been in the hospital. The post it up on that blog.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

Wow. Really, wow. Doesn't this just fit life?


Suze- I mailed you Vanishing Acts yesterday.
Melissa- Which one did you want?
Melinda- How about you?
Kiera- You want any of them?
Anybody else? I'd like to get them off my dresser by the end of the week. Let me know if you want any of the books- if nobody claims them, I'm donating to Salvation Army :)

In Need Of Recipes!

I have 12 days to prepare for surgery. I would like to have atleast 7 meals planned and in my freezer, so that Adam can pull them out and pop them in the oven for dinner. (This way I know we won't be eating McDonald's for dinner everynight!!!) Suzanne- I know you have lots of freezer meal recipes. Anybody else?! Will you please email me some? I have only frozen a few things I've cooked, so I am pretty clueless!!!!!



Monday, April 14, 2008

Help Me!

I have several books to send to new homes, I can't remember who asked for what. Here's what I have right now-

Belly Laughs - Jenny McCarthy (very very funny!)

Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult *** SUZE CLAIMED ***

The 10th Circle - Jodi Picoult (pretty good) http://www.jodipicoult.com/the-tenth-circle.html

Keeping Faith - Jodi Picoult (very good) http://www.jodipicoult.com/keeping-faith.html

Tiger's Child - Torey Hayden (I haven't read a book from TH that I don't like! I have more from her, I cannot find them) http://www.torey-hayden.com/the_tigers_child.htm

Cut - Patricia McCormmick (teen that cuts/quick read, I thought it was really great)

I am almost done with Nineteen Minutes (Picoult) and can ship by the end of the week. -> I *think* Suze wanted this one to, not for certain.

If anybody wants to send some books my way, please do! I need stuff to read while I am gimped up for 7 days.
Suze, the book above is in an envelope and will be mailed tomorrow.
Melissa requested something, can't remember what. As did Melinda!
Let me know if you want any of the books above, you can comment or shot me an email! jklduncan@yahoo.com

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Miss Iowa has CP!

I found this amazing. What an inspiration! Click the link to view her CBS clip.


Friday, April 11, 2008

Um, yum! Baked Pasta!

I thawed out HB meat and had no idea what to do with it.
So, I browned it with an onion. Put it in an 9 x 13 baking dish. Stirred in 2 jars of mushroom/green pepper spaghetti sauce, parmesan (the real kind), funky swirly noodles (which the kids LOVED) and topped with cheese and baked until it was warm and t. I was scared of this cheese was melted. It was super easy and my family enjoyed it! Hubby even asked for me to do it again! Amy- this is really for you! I know you are looking for easy stuff to bake :)
Before the oven
Out of the oven

Thursday, April 10, 2008

For You, Dawn

Natalie Grant - Held

Dawn~ Everytime this song comes on, I say a little prayer for you. Hugs...

To Play Video (and beable to hear it)- You will have to pause the music at the bottom of the blog.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Therapy For 2?

It's hard enough having 1 child with SN. 2, unthinkable!?! I filled out a sensory profile on Parker last week. He makes himself vomit. I told Logen's OT (who is also a friend) that I thought he had sensory issues. So, thats when she told me to fill out the prole and she'd score it. All along, I've been freaking out that something was going to be wrong with Parker (even before our 2nd child was conceived I was worried!) Then, I was put on bedrest and delivered a preemie. I immediately felt his tone, which is normal. Whatever that may be. So, when Tabi told me today that there were a few redflags on his profile, and she'd like to do an eval- it finally hit me. I've deep down known all along that there is no way you can have a preemie (even just 6 weeks) with no delays or quirks. Maybe thats just my pessimistic attitude. He doesn't have any real words, at 17 months. He says~ dada, mama, weeeeee, buba, buta buta buta (which sounds luke bootay sometimes), and babbles like crazy. The child is in NO way quite. No where near it. Cognitively, he's ok. Not worried about that. His facial muscles are all good. Tabi said, he needs sensory output and Logen's SLP gave me a checklist to fill out for her. I know it's not CP. I can without a doubt tell you that. His tone and physical development is on track (I have a chart Tabi gave me when Parker was ity bity). Did I do something wrong? Did I keep thinking something was wrong, so I did this to him? Was it my fault that I couldn't carry him past 34 weeks? Am I a bad Mom? What will people think with both boys in therapy. It has to be the mother. She must've done something wrong. How do you handle something like this? I haven't even accepted 1 child being 'disabled'. I'm just lost today. I'm sad, and scared, and I don't know what else. I don't really know what else to feel. Will you say a prayer for Parker? And, me?


Today marks 4 years of marriage. It's gone by fast, that's a good thing, right? I fall more in love with my husband all the time. He's not one of those guys that's romantic and he's not terribly great at the touchy-feely stuff. And, that's ok b/c I know he loves me. He proves it over and over again everyday. We never hang up the phone w/o saying "I love you". We have gone to bed angry at each other maybe 3 times in the last 4 years. My husband is a wonderful father, thats been proven over and over as well. He loves his boys more than life. If I had it to do all over again, I would certainly marry Adam everyday of the year. I would chose to run away and get married though! Weddings are over-rated!

4 years ago today...
* It was a rainy Good Friday.
* My hair lady got in an auto accident a few days before, but said she'd still do my hair (it took about 5x longer than it should have)
* I still didn't have jewery or a bra to wear under/with my dress.
* Logen was released from the hospital the day before our wedding- seriously thought we were going to have to cancel the wedding.
* I was late getting to the wedding place, and a bit late getting ready ~ Mr. Logen wanted to nurse.
* We forgot the bubbles, but it rained- so we didn't use them anyway.
* We forgot the video camera, so my wedding is not on tape. Still bummed!
* My to-be husband told me I was the most beautiful woman alive when I got down the isle.
* It rained some more (My Momma said it washed away our past and allowed us to create a new life together! How lovely to put it.)

I'm closing with some Wedding Pictures. I've never posted any of these, so I thought today would be a good day to do so.
Silly Sisters Tiff (big sis) & Me, I love this picture! Too funny :)
Sisters before the Wedding
My Mommy & Me
Adam & his brothers
The "procession" Logen, (newphew) Zach, and Alyssa (one of my best friends daughters)
Momma & Daddy walking me down the isle
Logen got cranky, so Dave (my stepdad) ducked and ran out.
Mr & Mrs Duncan :)
Wedding Party (Abbey, Hannah, Alyssa, Tiff, Me, Adam, Zach, Logen, Jerod, Andy)
My Parents. (Dave, Mom, Me, Liz, Dad)
My Daddy's Girls.
It's Official!
The Cake
The Cake Mess
The Cake (I know Chrystie will LOVE the Hog cake!)
Did you make it through? Didn't mean to post that many, got carried away!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


More funny stuff from our day:

* Silly Mom put Parker's shoes on the wrong feet. I stood him up and told him it was time to go. He stood there and cried. He wouldn't walk. I then noticed what I had done. Problem was solved once Mom fixed it. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. He still wears pedi-pod soft sole type shoes. I can't bring myself to buy 'real' shoes for my baby.

* Logen threw a FIT and a half when we left therapy today b/c another kid had crocs like his. He thought they were his. He took off his tennis shoes and wanted to put those on. Seriously, had to drag the kid to the van. So, when we got home, I told him to go to his closet to find his crocs. He did and we put them on. He was happy as pie!

* Parker falls alseep on my chest this afternoon. 1 of Logen's shoes falls off. He gets ticked. He is chasing the shoe around trying to put it on. Instead of bending over and using his hands to help him, he wanted to put crocs on w/o the use of hands. While it did make me sad, it was too funny to watch his chase the shoe around yelling at it! Lazy lil' stink!!!!

Kids Say Silly Things

When I was picking Logen up from school today to take to therapy, he was out of the room getting changed. So, Parker and I hung out and chatted with his teacher. Parker bit a little girl on her tummy a few weeks ago while trying to steal her toy. Today, she had a cup of blocks that Parker apparently wanted. So, he went to grab them from her. She came up to me and said, "Please don't bring him back in here". You can't help but laugh. I asked why. She said, "b/c he will bite me." I asked her if he bit her again. She said, "no, but don't bring him back." Logen's teacher and I were laughing. His teacher said that the policeman would come get me if I left him in the car or at home, she said, "that'd be ok". Silly kids!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Signing Consent Forms

I went to the PS to sign consent forms, have my before pics taken, and pay 50% of my bill (eck!) The 3rd one down to initial read, _____ As with any surgery, there is a risk of disability, severe disability, and possibly death. (WHAT?) Ok, so ya- anesthesia freaks me out, but I was actually at peace with that until today. Death? I don't wana die in the OR during a boob job. Seriously, that's gotten be bad karma. Really BAD! The risk is super low, but you just never know. So, on April 28th, while I am in the OR- can you pray for me. I know I'm going to be a complete wreck the day before. The day before my last surgery I was to. That, and doing no food/drink bites. My surgery isn't until noon. So, I'm going to sit and stir. And FREAK out all morning. Just wanted to share my anxiety with you. 3 weeks to date!

Saturday, April 5, 2008


The Package


Here's a play-by-play of my morning. We made breakfast together. Got the boys situated and our plates fixed and finally sat down to enjoy our meal. The door bell rings. I start to get up and Adam said, "Don't answer it, it's probably one of those sales people or church guys." So, I sat back down. Then he said, "or it could be a package" So, I got up, and peeked out the window to make sure whoever it was was no longer here. I see a little box hanging out on my front door step. It's from Melissa (Joshie and Mia's Mom). I admit- I told Adam, she said she was going to get me back for the cotton ball incident. She probably filled this box with spiders and creepy crawly bugs. I'm not so sure I wanna open it. I decided they'd probably be dead and I'd send them back if was icky. (haha) I opened it from the bottom and see a bunch of blue fluffy stuff. I come to a fun bath & body works bag with a flufa (thats what we call loofa's) and some aromatherapy lotion, spray, and body wash. Then there is a baggie with a note and a card. I pull out the note- The ladies said that a post on the board awhile back caught their eye and they wanted to do something nice for me. They sent me a gift card for a spa in my area. They were awefuly sneaky about it! Melinda contacted one of my friends (meet through myspace) and Brian asked Adam about it. So, as I was in tears reading my letter and then opening the card he had a HUGE grin on his face. He knew about it. They both did and nobody told me anything! You big secret keepers!!!!!

I looked at him (crying) and said, how can people that don't know you care so much about you? Ladies, you made my day, my week, my month, my year. Thank you so much for caring about me. I love you all! If you all weren't in my life, I'd be even more lost. I am putting the note in Logen's baby book along with a copy of the gift card, so I can show him when he's older. You guys are amazing. I plan on spending some time at the spa a few weeks after my surgery! I'm sure I will need to really relax after the pain subsides! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
"The Box"

Aromatherapy Goody From Melissa

Card & Gift Card

Friday, April 4, 2008

Private Blog IS UP!

I just now set up a private blog. If you are interested in it, email me. I have to invite you to view it. A forewarning, it's 'private'. By that, I mean very private. If you have questions- feel free to email me as well. Thanks blog family!



Thursday, April 3, 2008

Asking For More Prayers

It's 10 minutes until Kristy's husbands (Steve) funeral in Australia. (It's at 8:30am Friday, April 4th there- which would translate to Thursday, April 3rd at 5pm CST) I just vistited her blog and she asked for major prayers to get through it. Also, she said something about it being 'not-natural' causes. Please continue to pray for their family.

Thinking about "Popularity"

I'm currently reading "Nineteen Minutes". The book is about a high school shooting, thats a VERY brief over view. I took a break this morning while Parker was napping and read a few pages. I then really started to think about it. I remember shortly after the massacre happened at Columbine. The school I was in then had bomb threats atleast once a week. I remember there being a "false" hit list surfacing, my name was on that list. I was called into the Principals office over that matter.
In the book, what it boils down to is popularity. What kids do to make themselves part of the "in" crowd and how the people who aren't in it might feel. I grew up going to several schools- I didn't have a choice but to be an easy going, laid back, care free, un-shy kind of person. If I wasn't that way, I wouldn't have had any "friends". I was the new kid frequently. (I went to different schools in K, 1-2, 3-5, 6- half of 7th, remaining 7th grade-9, 10- half 11th, remaining half of 11th, half Sr year {graduated early}, 8 schools total?)But, it also hardened me. I have a hard time letting people get close to me. I try to find ways to push people away, my close friends know this, they are the ones who have pointed it out.
Here's an exert from the book (the shooters thoughts), that made me think:
"Ask a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'd probably choose the latter. ... To be truely popular, it has to look like it's something you are, when in reality, it's whaht you make yourself.
I wonder if anyone works any harder at anything than kids do at being popular. I mean, even airtraffic controllers and US presidents take vacations, but look at your average high school student, and you'll see someone who's putting in time twenty-four hours a day, for the entire length of the school year.
So how do you crack the inner sanctum? Well, here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat for lunch, what shows you TiVo, what music is on your iPod.
I've always sort of wondered, though: if everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?"
I was one of those people the shooter wouldn't have liked, I probably would have been mean to him. I probably would have been one that shunned him b/c he was different. (by half of 11th and 12th grade, I had seemed to change and wasn't so much like that) I would have been shot, that freaks me out. I wore ONLY Express. I dressed in mainly skirts. My hair was always fixed, I never left the house w/o makeup. I went tanning alot. I was a blonde. I know there were kids I was mean to. And, I'm not proud of it now. I made a girl cry for touching my locker. I was horrid.
I'm here to tell you that the popular people didn't walk away w/o issues. Go back and read my old posts... I will see if I can scan in a picture of me in the 'olden' days so you can see me. I don't think I look the same.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Private Blog

Here's what I'm thinking. I would appreciate your feed back. I have gotten several texts, emails, calls, etc demanding before and after surgery pics. So, I was thinking- for those asking- I could set up a private blog, where you have to request permission to view and I have to accept. There, I would go into more detail about surgery, pictures, and the things I wouldn't otherwise post here.

Comment your thoughts!! Would it be a waste of time?

Uh, Picking "them" Out

To me, this seems to be an odd challenge. How do you pick out boobs? We were told to go to www.breastaugmentation411.com where there is lots of info as well as a link to several (and I mean several) pictures of before and after pictures. I am not crazy about looking at page upon page of naked boobies. After a while, my eyes went boobie fuzzy. I have never ever seen that many in my life!! If you want to hear your hubby say he's tired of looking at them, sit in front of a computer searching for ones you want. Kinda like online shopping-- hahaha. Never in a million yearsdid I think I would hear those words come out of Adam's mouth! We did find a few we liked and will print them out and make our final decision. I will take the pics in on Monday- if my Dr doesn't think it's do-able, he said I'd hear from him that afternoon or the following morning. I'm trying to be realistic, but I've never gone through anything like this before so I'm not sure what kind of expectations to have. We looked for people who had breasts that started out similiar to mine. I was amazed at the different types out there. This has been very educational experience. Atleast I'm getting more than 1 thing out of it! LOL

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Funky Label

"High fat foods may cause unwanted decreases in drug effect. Avoid taking with high fat foods or take on an empty stomach."
Have you ever taken a med that had this label? I am an insomniac. I have trouble sleeping. So my Dr gave me a RX for Lunesta. Thats one of the 4 warning labels on the med. I was like, seriously? I can't eat fattening stuff? Geez! Just now, Adam's sits down on the couch with oreos and a huge glass of milk (oreos are my FAV). I looked at him w/ puppy dog eyes, "do those have alot of fat in them? How about I eat just 2?" (I did good! I ate just 3!!)

Woman In Need Of Major Prayers

Kristy (a lady whom I do not know IRL) lost her husband recently. Her posts made my heart ache for her. I cannot imagine loosing a spouse and how badly her heart hurts right now. Her faith in our Lord seems to be very strong, that will keep her going more than anything! Here is her blog post for those of you who cannot access her blog. Would you please keep her and her family in your prayers? I am sure they would be very greatful.

October 15, 1976 - March 23, 2008

My husband drowned in a freak/tragic boating accident this weekend. It happened Sunday, just after 5pm sometime, and his body was recovered this afternoon. I have spent the entire time (along with various other members from both families), including nights, down at a river landing and only got home this afternoon. We had no phone reception unless somebody drove out a few kilometres (as was done periodically). Life has become a living hell.

I just wanted people to know where I was. I might be here. I might not be here. I alternate between a helpless, sobbing, agonising mess when there could be nothing further from my mind than a blog and a dry-eyed, disbelieving. aching calm before the storm where I can function on a basic level (as now). And I know that will be my life for a long time to come...

I'm terrified of all the tomorrows. Steve was a wonderful, wonderful husband and I don't know how I'm going to survive without him. I appreciated him, and he knew it, but I'm realising just how much of a pillar of support he was to me in so many different ways. He also was very affirmative and cuddly (words of affirmation and physical touch being his love languages!) and both of those leave gaping holes when taken away. They are both things that I thrived on.

If you can pray, please pray. God and me are on strained terms at the moment. There's many reasons why and those who know me best and/or longest will understand. So I really need other people to do the main work for me right now and thank you to anyone and everyone.
It was a week ago today that this nightmare started.Today, last week, started off with such promise. We woke early, refreshed, after a good (early) night's sleep. Steve read our devotional to us while we lay in bed before getting up. We didn't usually do this in the morning but, for some reason, he decided to. We were ready early for church and walked calmly out the door--instead of our usual frantic departure. I commented how unusual it was for us to be so organised and relaxed on a Sunday morning.
We had a good morning at church and hung around chatting to people for a fair while afterwards. We got home later for lunch than planned, but we didn't care. My family was staying with us and we were going to eat lunch then meet Steve's parents down the river. We were late but it wouldn't matter. The day was so beautiful.
We had a wonderful afternoon on the river. Steve ferried everybody up and down the river, beginning and ending with me "because [I] was the most important". We managed to sneak some time alone around the river bend and, on being interrupted, planned to take the boat out again together later.
Later never came. Hell did.
This time last week, we were camped at a river landing watching emergency crews comb the river and its banks for my husband. I think I got 2-3 hours restless sleep about 3am when the emergency crews had to stop for the night.It's unbelievable that something like this could happen to somebody like Steve. If anything was expected to take his life unexpectedly, it would be the truck--not a little tinny on a little river. I'm still in disbelief that his body--so tough; so strong and hard-working; so full of life--could end up overcome so easily and so close to safety. But the reality is all too true. And I have no good reason why."

It's ON!

Yeah, 27 days and counting and Jessica will be a NEW woman! Hahaha. My appt went very well today. I go back in on Monday (4/7) to sign consent forms and take before pictures. My pre-op appt is at the hospital on 4/25. My surgery is scheduled for April 28th at noon. Bad thing about an afternoon appt is that I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight Sunday. I am going to be a grouch from that! The nurse said I would come back in on Tuesday for a follow up and that Adam (or somebody) needed to come with me b/c most likely I wouldn't even remember being there. Day 1 after surgery I will need to start doing massages so that I don't get a capsular contracture (build-up of scar tissue around the implant that can cause breast firmness. When severe, this may require corrective surgery).

So, there's the latest. I'm so counting down! I got several comments wanting before and after (CLOTHED) pictures. So, I'll grant your wish. I will do a few before and several after. One a week or something like that. He said they would change over the course of 3-4 weeks. The first 5-7 days would be total beep! And, it would take 3-4 weeks before I could resume everything I was normally doing before surgery.

Silly Hubby, Your Wife Is Addicted....

Ok, so last night I was at the computer checking out blogs. Adam was sitting on the couch with 2 little monkeys climbing all over him. It'd been about 10 minutes before I start hearing this-
Honey, Why don't you come in here for some family time? (Me: Baby!) Do you love your internet friends more than us? (Me: Baby!) Would you rather talk to them then us? (Me: Baby!) Family time! We need you pronto! (Me: Baby!) You do! You love you online people more than you love your own family. I see how you are. Fine. Stay in there. We don't want you in here. (Me: Baby!)
At this point, I think... hmm... guess I *should* turn off the computer and go hang out with my boys for a bit. I was cracking up thinking I cannot wait to blog this one. Do you get what a smart butt I really am? I gave him nothing more than a "baby!" which is what I usually call him. He doesn't get called by his name unless I'm really mad at him, which isn't that often. So, to my internet friends- my hubby thinks I love you more than my family :P You should feel VERY special today!!

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