Splendid Mayhem: Headaches

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Headaches

I'm going to blog about just me......

For the last 3 months, I have had a headache. I've called my OB and asked questions- he's given me a list of things to try. Including vicodin, Rx naproxin, sinus meds, etc etc etc. The vicodin numbed everything from my nose down- but didn't kill the headache. I'm telling you it gets so bad at night- I cannot sleep. I would love to cry about it- but crying only makes your head hurt worse. In the last 12 weeks- I have not had 1 day w/o my headache. After the first week, I swore I was pregnant b/c with both boys that was the first sign I noticed. I can assure you, I am not pregnant- I think I have tested bi-weekly!

I have an Appt with an Internal Medicine Dr next week. My OB recommended someboy more specialized that just a family practice Dr since nothing has worked and the pain has lasted so long. If you wouldn't mind, say a little prayer that it's nothing major! I had a dream I had a brain tumor last night..... so, yes now I am extremely paranoid!!!!!!!!

2 comments:

Andrea "The H family"September 10, 2007 at 12:01 AM
Sweetie! Just got your comment.
I will add you to my prayer list honey. Please keep me posted.
Sorry to be late here.
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AnonymousSeptember 15, 2007 at 4:10 PM
Hey Jess, It sounds like things are a little (or a lot) stressful for you right now. I hope everything turns out fine!
Niki
(CP board)
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