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Monday, December 31, 2007

It Hit Me Again....

I love my Papaw dearly. He's a terriffic man. I enjoy our long phone conversations, and will try to be even better in the new year about making it a weekly thing. We don't get to see him as often as I'd like to, it's a four hour trip both ways. While we were visiting him on Saturday, it hit me (again) that my Meme is gone. She's been gone nearly 13 years. Doesn't make it any easier. I walked into her very pink bathroom and noticed things remaining the same. The kleenex box & the vanity mirror still on the counter top, where she put them. I had to peek in the medicine cabinet. This is when I didn't think I could make it out of the bathroom with a smile on my face. Her sunless tanner & face wash were still on the top shelf. The shelf below it had several medications that expired in June 1996. The expiration date on the boxes- seeing that made my eyes swell. How do you leave that kind of stuff there for so long? I sat down on the toilet and looked to the door, fully expecting my Meme to barge in. She didn't.
I thought, Lord please let me know she's ok. But, I know she is. She's dancing with the Angels. She loved Angels. There are still many "Angel things" around the house. I think my Meme wanted to dance with them more than anything. So, I shouldn't be sad. I should rejoice that her dreams have come true. But, I can't.
I'm mad at the fact that my children will never know their Meme on Earth. I'm mad that Eric & I never got to take a train to NYC for our 16th birthdays. Like she promised us. I'm mad that the day she feel into a coma was the day that Bree & I were mean to her and didn't want her to take us swimming too. I'm mad at her for making me eat Pimento Cheese Sandwiches. And happy that the first night Bree & I stayed with her alone was a few nights before she went to live with Jesus. We got to stay up late and eat chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
Blog family- I know it's been so long since Meme left us. Holidays can be hard and can make you re-face the fact that your loved ones are no longer with you. Can you say a prayer for my Papaw? He seems to be fine, but you never know. There are somethings people just don't talk about.

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1 comment:

  1. Oh Jess - What a beautiful post. You can just sense how much you love and miss your Meme. I will definitely pray for your Papaw. Peace and love to you and your family.


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