Splendid Mayhem: Me, In Therapy....

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Me, In Therapy....

Hey blog family. Still w/o a computer. Borrowing Mom's again. I'm really started to *hate* Best Buy right now.

An update on me: I start Physical Therapy Monday. I'm still hurting. The back pain really started increasing over the weekend. The Nurse at the Neurosurgen's office said thats normal for the lower back to start hurting several days later. Oh, ya- the appt with the Neurosurgen last Friday- was absolutely a WASTE of 250.00!!! Really, he didn't tell me anything the ER didn't already tell me. And, told me they'd call this week with a treatment plan. Got the call today. After leaving a voicemail 2x Monday and 1x today. Go figure.

A little vent: I sat in the parking lot of the Dr's office last Thursday in tears. I walked in ready to see the dr. The checker-inner person said we need the police report and 250.00. I said, I have neither. How about a copy of my health care insurance? I'll gladly give you my 40.00 specialist co-pay. She said, "Mam, they will deny your claim. This was caused by a 3rd party. We've seen it time and time again." I said, "Can't you bill them anyway and take a letter from my attorney saying he's dealing with this crap, yada, yada, yada". I walked out in tears, called my attorney- he called them. Blah, blah. I had to come back Friday. Mind you, it's not like a hop away- it's a good 30 minutes to his clinic. My WONDERFUL Mom & Dave paid the 250.00, b/c there is no way we could have come up with the money. And, apparently in order for the dude that hit me's insurance to pay for my bills I have to follow Dr's orders. Which means, I had to go to this guy- regardless. This is terribly inconvient for me. I did not asked to be hit. I did not throw my vehicle into reverse and say, oh- I think I'd like to be in a wreck today. Just sounds like fun. I'm going to enjoy my neck, back, shoulders, and head hurting for oh- the next couple of months. Hmmm..... Serioiusly! Why now???? I have alot on my plate. And, some idiot decides to inconvience me. Nice. Thanks dude, whoever you are. Glad you weren't hurt and you better be glad my kids weren't hurt b/c I'd have gone ape "beep" on your donkey butt. Ahh.... I feel better, for now......