Logen is DESPERATE for your prayers. Pray blog family, PLEASE pray. Just grab this code and add it to your blog (html gadget) so you can help us spread the word! Thanks! Pray for Logen

A sincere THANK YOU to all of you who have added this to your blog! And, to Anelys for creating such a cute blinkie!!

Friday, January 4, 2008

All About Me!

Hi. I've been debating on whether or not I want to blog about this. I think i've decided it might be good for me to 'vent' to whoever reads our blog.
Warning before you read... This may be too much info for some. :)
Several months ago I blogged about the possiblity of having more children and how our chances were slim. I guess this is sort of a continuation of that.
Wednesday night I began cramping. I thought, "Gee, thats the last time I eat that many mashed potatoes. I've got bad gas pains!" So, I started eating Gas-X. I felt no relief. I woke up yesterday with pain so bad I wanted to cry. Again, I thought it was gas and began chowing down on more Gas-X. Last night right before bed, I went to the bathroom and had some clear jelly substance with bright blood swirled into it. (Told ya, you may not want to read!) This morning, I woke up with more of the same. It's been on and off all day, but enough to have to wear a 'girly thing'. I haven't been cramping as bad as yesterday, but I've still been pretty uncomfortable. When I called Adam this morning and told him, he said- "Baby, do you think you could be having a miscarriage?" I hadn't thought of that. My cervix stays at about 2cm open now. My body is not capable of holding a pregnancy (atleast I wouldn't think so). I think it's to soon to have another period. I've only been off my period for 2 weeks. (My first period since Parker was mid-Dec and only lasted about 4 days) I'm not on birth control (it was giving me major migraines), so pregancy is a possiblity. I called the OB Wed (before I even started having pain) and told the nurse I needed to be seen b/c my cervix is open. It feels like it's at about 2cm. At my 6 week check, Dr H (OB) said that I may need a complete hysterectomy to stop pain from intercourse, my uterus stays inflammed (long story, it's been hurting since post-Logen). He said when Parker was weaned, we could discuss our options further.
So, Tuesday (Jan 8th) I have an appt to see Dr H and we will discuss the last few days and the possiblity of removing all of my female parts. Adam & I both feel like we will not beable to have more children. It's just a 'gut' feeling we've both had for a few months. I know that we have 2 happy, healthy, beautiful boys. And, I am so thankful that the Lord has given me Logen & Parker. But... (you knew that was coming!) I can't help feeling like my body has failed me (and Adam). I'm praying we don't hear the words that it's not a good idea to try for 1 more on Tuesday. Deep down, I know there won't be a third. Unless somehow we can stitch my cervix up tight (cerclage is an option after you are about 12 weeks pg). But, my cervix is open w/o a pregnancy. Now, I am just rambling. Say a prayer that I make it through until Tuesday w/o going totally nuts over this. And, hopefully I really didn't m/c and it was just some funky stuff my body didn't want anymore. I have a way with words, 'eh? LOL

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1 comment:

  1. Oh Jess - I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's just not fair. I will be praying for you to find some peace in your heart over the situation.
    ~Love, Dawn


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