All About Me!

Hi. I've been debating on whether or not I want to blog about this. I think i've decided it might be good for me to 'vent' to whoever reads our blog.
Warning before you read... This may be too much info for some. :)
Several months ago I blogged about the possiblity of having more children and how our chances were slim. I guess this is sort of a continuation of that.
Wednesday night I began cramping. I thought, "Gee, thats the last time I eat that many mashed potatoes. I've got bad gas pains!" So, I started eating Gas-X. I felt no relief. I woke up yesterday with pain so bad I wanted to cry. Again, I thought it was gas and began chowing down on more Gas-X. Last night right before bed, I went to the bathroom and had some clear jelly substance with bright blood swirled into it. (Told ya, you may not want to read!) This morning, I woke up with more of the same. It's been on and off all day, but enough to have to wear a 'girly thing'. I haven't been cramping as bad as yesterday, but I've still been pretty uncomfortable. When I called Adam this morning and told him, he said- "Baby, do you think you could be having a miscarriage?" I hadn't thought of that. My cervix stays at about 2cm open now. My body is not capable of holding a pregnancy (atleast I wouldn't think so). I think it's to soon to have another period. I've only been off my period for 2 weeks. (My first period since Parker was mid-Dec and only lasted about 4 days) I'm not on birth control (it was giving me major migraines), so pregancy is a possiblity. I called the OB Wed (before I even started having pain) and told the nurse I needed to be seen b/c my cervix is open. It feels like it's at about 2cm. At my 6 week check, Dr H (OB) said that I may need a complete hysterectomy to stop pain from intercourse, my uterus stays inflammed (long story, it's been hurting since post-Logen). He said when Parker was weaned, we could discuss our options further.
So, Tuesday (Jan 8th) I have an appt to see Dr H and we will discuss the last few days and the possiblity of removing all of my female parts. Adam & I both feel like we will not beable to have more children. It's just a 'gut' feeling we've both had for a few months. I know that we have 2 happy, healthy, beautiful boys. And, I am so thankful that the Lord has given me Logen & Parker. But... (you knew that was coming!) I can't help feeling like my body has failed me (and Adam). I'm praying we don't hear the words that it's not a good idea to try for 1 more on Tuesday. Deep down, I know there won't be a third. Unless somehow we can stitch my cervix up tight (cerclage is an option after you are about 12 weeks pg). But, my cervix is open w/o a pregnancy. Now, I am just rambling. Say a prayer that I make it through until Tuesday w/o going totally nuts over this. And, hopefully I really didn't m/c and it was just some funky stuff my body didn't want anymore. I have a way with words, 'eh? LOL