Fears & Funnies

On Jan 31, 05 Logen was given the Dx of CP at the hospital we are going to tomorrow. I thought long and hard about this today. That Dx followed us around for 3 years and 10ish months. (And, in most everybody's documents hasn't changed.) You get used to something and *think* you accept it, then it's 'gone'. The concept is something that I don't understand... but maybe that's part of our makers plan. Who really knows. I have this little voice that keeps saying, 'it's going to be ok. Maybe it's going to be a 'better' Dx.' Then, it's like a sudden crash- 'Jessica, he doesn't speak at age 5. Somethings not right. He started having seizures at age 4. It cannot be 'better'.' Agg... there's my pessimism kicking in. It gets me. Every time.

I guess my overall thought was... 4 years ago we got a dx I did not want. I cried like no other the entire trip home. I cried until I had no tears left to cry. We go to that same building tomorrow. It's the same month, the same time of year. Am I going to leave there with a Dx for Logen? Will we continue to test or wait? What happens next? What about Logen? What does Logen think about all of this? Is he sick of the testing and sitting in Drs office? Of people talking about him in front of him like he's not there (I think this is rude. I wish Drs would not do this!) Or being poked and prodded like a pin cushion? Or does he even know whats going on?

On a lighter note: Some Parker Funnies & Sicklies! (Mmm... not a word, 'eh?)
* Parker has officially started calling a Bus and Bus. It was a Butt. I liked Butt. It was funny...
* And, he ate bloodworms today. Yum. Not. They were being thawed in the sink for the fish. Parker decided to have a taste. He ate the whole container.
* He also informed me this morning that his ears hurt and he needed to go to the Dr. So, mean mom said- what if they give you a shot? You still wana go? He said, "Es. Ear ur." (We know, he needs speech. And, he qualifies. However, our insurance company doesn't agree) My 2 y/o diagnosed himself! Both ears are indeed infected. Suprax for 10 days. He's also on Pulmicort and Xopinex {breathing treatments, he does great with these... HAHAHAHA}. (P for the remainder of the winter... nothing new, we've done this for the last 2 years and X until the Antibio is finished)