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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I'm So Lost~

I've been crying a better part of today. I'm at the part of the road where a turn is obvious. Normally, I'm fairly good at staying in control and making the right turn w/o regrets. This turn, however- I can't seem to make.
From last night's post, you know I'm considering other options 'therapy wise'.
Today's events: Logen has been getting Developmental therapy through the public school since last Fall. I had a meeting with the DT today. Of course, at an IEP you must meet with more than just the DT. The Assistant Special Ed director was also there. Since Logen is technically school aged, there is not a whole lost the district is able to provide. We did turn in a waiver last year so that Logen could still get DT services through the school. However, today they suggested starting him in Kindergarten, like next week. Most likely, he will have to repeat. But, in the scheme of things- we didn't plan on starting him until next year anyways, so repeating wouldn't be so bad. And, yes- he'd be in special ed. I go Thursday to tour the school (it just opened in August, so everything will be shiny) and to meet the teachers, principal, aides, etc.
Why have I been so sad about this? Therapy, mainly. It sounds so silly now that I read it. But, he's not getting what he needs right now. So, could it hurt to take him out of it and rely on the public school system to do whats best for my baby? What if I am making the wrong choice? What if I totally screw up Logen b/c im just not competant enough to make these major life-altering decisions?
I don't know what to do. My Mom told me to stop crying and go with my gut instinct. I don't have a gut instinct. Really, I don't. I get negative from one person and positive from another. That's not helping. She told me to stop worrying and just let it be until Thursday. She also said I can't hold Logen back b/c of my fears to 'let him go'. That much makes sense, but I don't think thats all. I'm scared, very much scared. And, I want to stop crying, but I can't. I don't like not being in control of things. On this one, I'm way out of it. What's right? And, what's the wrong choice here? WHAT DO I DO???? What's going to be best for Logen? My non-verbal little bundle of joy.
So, blog family please help me. I need to lean on you b/c I can't do this alone. It takes a village to raise a child, remember? Come out and help me Village :)

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  1. Would the public school still provide him with the same amount and quality (or better) of the therapies he is receiving now? Or would he just be getting basically the equivalent by being in school every day?

    My advice-take a step back, take the emotions out (I know SUPER hard to do as a mama!), and just right down the factual simple Pros and Cons. Don't include the emotional aspect because look at all the insane emotional situations you have already conquered as a family-don't let that be a factor in the decision process at this point just so you can really weigh the options objectively. I wish I had a magic wand with all the answers-there'd be lots of happy people in this world.

  2. I have no advice just wanted to say hugs to you hun. I am thinking of you.

  3. No words of wisdon here either, babe. I'm in the same boat.....choosing therapies etc. Joshie started Kindergarten today!! He's the youngest in his class too....there's no easy answer.....
    ((HUGS)) LMK if you need anything :)

  4. I have no advice either and being from Canada, no idea how your system works. I think the first poster had a great idea to write everything down. I often do this and it helps me think a lot clearer. Good luck.


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