Splendid Mayhem: An Eerie Feeling

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

An Eerie Feeling

Maybe I caught a case of the 'election day' blues. I got up this morning with the weirdest, eerie feeling ever. I was scared to put Logen on the school bus. I wanted to hermit with my family in my home (like the feeling after 9/11, when we all just wanted to make it home to Momma and sit in her arms- I was still in high school then- so, I wanted my Momma!) I ended up going against my gut feeling and sending the boys to school. I called my Mom in near tears after dropping Parker off this morning. I still haven't figured out what was going on... but, that feeling was horrible.

I had sent a text to a close friend who reminded me that our Lord is good and to keep my faith in him. I've kept politics off my blog, b/c really- I'm not that politically savy.
I do know that our nation is very vulnerable right now and I think that's why I was so upset. I do not like when I do not know what's coming next. I've had several conversations with God today. I've not prayed for one party to win over another... while I do have a strong preference, I'm leaving it in God's hands now. We've all done what we can (and I hope my US buddies all got out and voted!) and we must have faith now!

So, here we go.... by tomorrow morning we will all know who the winner is! Lord be with us through it all :)