Splendid Mayhem: I Locked Logen In The Van

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I Locked Logen In The Van

Poor Logen. Momma's so mean! Wednesday after we left the Dr's office (with just an Rx for a cough med b/c we still aren't real sure what's going on...) we went to Sam's to get Logen's script filled. It was extremely windy!!!! I had opened the van door, locked all doors, tossed my keys in my purse- which was sitting in front of Logen's carseat when the wind blew the script right out of my hand. So, I turned to look like the idiot chasing a valuable piece of paper across a parking lot. When I caught it, I realized the wind had blown the van door shut. Not all the way, but enough to where you weren't going to open it. My keys, purse, phone, Logen- everything was right there in sight! I just couldn't get to it. 2 cart pushers were near by so I yelled at them to call something. A manager came out and told me they'd called the fire dept. I made sure they knew he did have a fever and was prone to seizures (and we were in handicap b/c of his CP) I didn't want the FD lolly gagging and Logen to seizure- there would have been nothing I could have done. At that point, I would have broken the window.
I stood there making silly faces at him trying to keep him amused. It felt like forever until they got there to get him free! They had a lock smith behind them so they didn't mess the door up.
Logen did get upset when the fire men got there, they crowded around the door to make sure he was ok. Then, when they got him out he gave me the biggest snugly hug ever!