Splendid Mayhem: Failure To Thrive

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Failure To Thrive

(BARB- I left a comment for you~)
Im doing my developmental psych study sheet- I'm kinda, um, weirded out (for lack of a better word) by the definition the book gives for FTT.

FTT: a growth disorder, usually present by 18 months of age, caused by a lack of affection and stimulation

Logen was given a FTT Dx around 12 months. So, what exactly was the Dr thinking when he did this? Was he just thinking it in terms of purely growth or do I read more into it? It makes me think there are actually people out there that think maybe I don't pay enough attn to Logen- which at 12 months (nor now, which I know now- I could certainly spend more time with him)- he was still a nursing baby. He slept next to me. I was a SAHM 24/7. How did he lack anything?! I bought all the right toys, we watched those Baby Einstien videos... Stimulation! Stimulation! Stimulation!

I know there are alot of you out there who also have kids with the FTT label. What do you think? Does that definition upset you any?

3 comments:

BarbaraOctober 7, 2008 at 2:09 PM
Wow - all I can say is when I first read that definition I was shocked. It sounds horrible. I don't think it's accurate at all as I don't see how the FTT diagnosis has anything to do with parenting. To me it's a medical diagnosis that has medical explanations and does not indicate the quality of parenting. Don't let this ridiculous definition upset you - you're a wonderful mother to both of your boys!
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* ~ *Jessica* ~ *October 7, 2008 at 4:18 PM
Thanks Barb. For the class, I must learn that definition. There is an online chat session the night before a test where the teachers aides and professor will be online to answer any questions you may have. I am going to hop on there and ask about this one. Many of the topics we covered in class had medical and parenting dx's- one being continuity of care. I did a search on it and found several things related to parental and medical. The course wasn't asking about the medical aspect- so I can hope the same for FTT. Thanks for your input!
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SheilaOctober 8, 2008 at 8:30 PM
Hey Jess - Malayna was given this diagnosis too when she was just under a year old. I never heard that definition and it did kinda cause my heart to sink when I read it. But I know our ped never thought that for a second. It was simply a medical diagnosis for the fact that she was not gaining weight due to reflux and a whole host of problems. I'm sure the same goes for Logen, cause we all know you're one great Mama and you have always done everything possible for Logen (and Parker too!).
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