Splendid Mayhem: Panic Mode, ON!

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Panic Mode, ON!

I start school tomorrow. My summer ends in just a few hours. Gulp.
I've started panic mode. Seriously, panic.... I haven't decided on my foreign language. French or German. I've signed up for both, until I can make up my mind. I bought both books today, b/c I can't decide. The biggest issue- they would start me at Elementary French 2 whereas if I took German, I'd start at level 1 (or below that, whatever you consider elementary to be). I've had French before, yes- but, hello?! It's been since high school. Like 10 & half of 11th grade. Whoa.
And, on Calculus. I nearly poo'd all over myself when I opened the book. I am HORRIFIED. I was foresure going to drop it yesterday. Today, I'm thinking- just maybe I can do it. But, now-- well, ECK! I took Trig in spring of '06 and College Algebra in like '04 (and, I pretty much sat at our kitchen table crying over my book the entire term). It's been a LONG time since my last math course. So, I panic. I'm not so sure I can do it all.

I HAVE no choice but to work my tailend off and get all A's. I want to get into the Honor's program. I have to have a 3.5 GPA, so I basically am shooting for a 4.0 GPA for this term. I'm stuck at a 3.31 now, which isn't good enough for me. Could you all just say a prayer for me. That I make it through the week, that I don't go into any wrong classrooms, and that I can learn to control my 'stress' and not freak so much?! Thanks :)