Erin found my blog and commented. She's a 16 y/o with CP. I went to her blog, and found this. I have to enter in my thoughts b/c what I read I pictured Logen saying to me, well not 'saying' but telling me with his 'talker'.
Hers are in italics (Hope this is ok to post Erin!)
Why is life so hard? I wish it wasn't, for you, for Logen- for every special needs child/adult. I cry to.
Why am I like this? My guess- you are special. God made you in his image. You are exactly how he wanted you to be. And, I know it's not easy. My baby struggles to.
Why can't I just be normal? I pray for this. But, what is 'normal'? Is there anybody out there that is 'normal'. I don't think so. I know I am not quote, normal.
Why do I have to face so many obstacles, so many challenges? I wish I could answer this. Just know, you aren't alone. I watch my little boy face them everyday. Anything from walking to trying to swallow. I see it to, and I know it's not easy. And I hate it for you. I know lots of mommies (particularly ones who post on the CP board with me) question that same thing. We want to know to...
Why do I have to be the one that's stared rudely at? I wish they would stop. Logen gets those looks too. I want to tell those people some 'not so nice' things. Stop staring....
Why do I have to go through the pain, the surgical procedures? We haven't faced 'surgery', but Logen's been through procedures. And, I can't tell you if he physically hurts. B/c he can't really tell me. He has decreased sensation... or atleast thats what the 'professionals' say. Emotionally- I pray he doesn't yet see that people think he's 'different'. I am afraid that will hurt the most.
If there is a God, why would I be this way? Does he think it's funny that I have to go through this? Why? Just why? I'm losing my faith. I'm beginning to think that there is no God. I wonder this too.
It's all just a cruel board game called life. I suppose I should remember that life is a bitch because if it was a slut it would be easy... Just a cruel board game that I'm losing. I'm ready to through all the pieces on the floor and just say 'screw it'... You aren't losing. Look how far you've made it. Mom's like me LOVE to hear from kids with CP. B/c it makes us realize there is something to look forward to. Life is not easy. I may not have CP, but I've dealt with other issues and from that- I know life is no 'tree in the park'. But, we are still here. So, there is a reason for it. Even if we have no clue why.
I wish I knew what was ahead, what was coming, what lies ahead of me, and if it's really worth it. I wish a lot of things. They never seem to come true.. So why wish? Why believe?Why live? I know of several momma's out there who want a glimpse of the future. What lies ahead for our babies. We ask the same questions to one another. We praise the progress and question the future. Maybe it's just human nature. Be brave, keep believing, and stay strong. We are all 'here' for each other to lean on. Keep truckin' on Erin. Keep wishing, keep your faith, keep living.
1 year ago
Very good post Jess. These are some difficult questions and like you I appreciate seeing blogs of other who show such courage when faced with life obstacles. I read Erin's blog and was very impressed with her maturity and ability to verbalize what she has been going through.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing Mommy to Logan and to Parker and an advocate to other Mommy's out there. Thank you for that.
Hey, just saw this! Thanks for posting it.. :) That was a very down day, as you can probably tell. Hugs to you and Logen. I'm glad I can give some insight and experience into what it's like growing up with CP. I admire your strength and courage also, and your blogging skills, which are like 'whoa!' Haha.
ReplyDeleteKeep reading, and thanks to Kiera too. :)