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Monday, December 29, 2008

2009 Resolutions

Not to do anything incriminating (like, say, toot in public) in front of my two-year-old, who will promptly give me away–loudly–to anyone who will listen.

Not to let the Cheerios littering the floor of my car get crushed, then spilled on, then formed into dried lumps permanently stuck to the carpeting.

Not to forget my kindergartner’s folder, lunch, jacket, show and tell, class picture order, and the fact that it is “wear red” school spirit day. Dang kindergarten is hard!

Not to use my six arms to drive, change a CD, talk on my cell phone, hand my son a water bottle, and eat a bite of breakfast all at the same time.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I will do my homework the night before. Not 20 minutes before it's due.

I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er.....!

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  1. Such admirable resolutions! Surely you will receive support for the goodness of your intent!

  2. My New Year's resolutions are to get fatter, uglier, meaner, smellier, and ruder. I figure, since I've failed to keep any resolutions thus far, I might as well set my standards low, right?


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