Splendid Mayhem: CT Tomorrow

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

CT Tomorrow

Thanks for the thoughts today :) I had to reschedule my CT for tomorrow b/c my Momma wasn't able to watch Logen for me this afternoon. I go in tomorrow morning. I am beginning to get nervous about it. I know a regular CT is 'no biggie', I just don't like the contrast IV and no eating part. Then there's the whole waiting for results part! * Send NO tumor vibes my way *

I stopped by the lab today to get my 'urine jug'. I am going to post a picture of this thing. It's huge! Logen was happy to carry it out of the hospital for me though. The lab tech handed it to me and said, make sure to keep it refrigerated. I said, you want me to pee in that tiny opening and put it in my fridge? hahaha I will do this starting at 7am Sunday and take it in Monday morning- the holidays are throwing testing off.