Casting Crowns

Many of you, especially close friends, family, and private blog readers know what a hard time I've had in the last week. I've struggled with everything. Life, kids, weight, Cerebral Palsy, Logen's therapy, pretty much everything. I was driving to meet my Mom for lunch Friday and put in one of my favorite cd's- Casting Crowns, Lifesong. I have a few fav's on the cd, but decided to let it play through today. I found a song that seemed to fit life lately. I played it over and over and over. I knew the words before today & I've always just sang along, but I guess I never really listened to the message. Listen to the video. Make sure to pause the music at the very bottom of the blog.

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I'll play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles that hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that's been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage?

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If i dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I sat in the parking lot at my pre-op (thankfully, I arrived early) wanting to cry. My relationship with God is certainly not a perfect one. I'm constantly asking for his forgiveness. And, I don't usually blog about my faith in our Lord. But something hit me when really listening to the lyrics. It was like, "Oh- I REALLY do need Jesus in my life. I need him now more than ever." The book thing from Friday night freaked me out a little. Then, I started thinking back to this. Jesus is trying to tell me something. And, I firmly believe that. He's letting me know, "It's going to be ok. We will make it through this. Like we have so much in the past. Take my hand and walk with me. You can do it. I am the only perfect one. Let me guide you Jessica." I thank the Lord for Casting Crowns. Maybe it's going to take a song to make really see. I have alot to live for. And, I'm not doing it alone. I am never alone, b/c the Lord lives in my heart- forever. Thank you Jesus, for sending Earthly angels to watch over me. I have several of them. Melissa, Melinda, Kiera, Dawn, Suze, Tara, Andrea, Karen, Chrystie, Sheila, Steph- just to name a few that have helped me make it through the last week (I don't like naming people, I am always afraid I will leave somebody out!). And, these are just the ones who keep me going through email and text messaging! (B/c they live all over, I've never met them)