Therapy For 2?

It's hard enough having 1 child with SN. 2, unthinkable!?! I filled out a sensory profile on Parker last week. He makes himself vomit. I told Logen's OT (who is also a friend) that I thought he had sensory issues. So, thats when she told me to fill out the prole and she'd score it. All along, I've been freaking out that something was going to be wrong with Parker (even before our 2nd child was conceived I was worried!) Then, I was put on bedrest and delivered a preemie. I immediately felt his tone, which is normal. Whatever that may be. So, when Tabi told me today that there were a few redflags on his profile, and she'd like to do an eval- it finally hit me. I've deep down known all along that there is no way you can have a preemie (even just 6 weeks) with no delays or quirks. Maybe thats just my pessimistic attitude. He doesn't have any real words, at 17 months. He says~ dada, mama, weeeeee, buba, buta buta buta (which sounds luke bootay sometimes), and babbles like crazy. The child is in NO way quite. No where near it. Cognitively, he's ok. Not worried about that. His facial muscles are all good. Tabi said, he needs sensory output and Logen's SLP gave me a checklist to fill out for her. I know it's not CP. I can without a doubt tell you that. His tone and physical development is on track (I have a chart Tabi gave me when Parker was ity bity). Did I do something wrong? Did I keep thinking something was wrong, so I did this to him? Was it my fault that I couldn't carry him past 34 weeks? Am I a bad Mom? What will people think with both boys in therapy. It has to be the mother. She must've done something wrong. How do you handle something like this? I haven't even accepted 1 child being 'disabled'. I'm just lost today. I'm sad, and scared, and I don't know what else. I don't really know what else to feel. Will you say a prayer for Parker? And, me?