Splendid Mayhem: Heart Issues

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Heart Issues

Hi again! The last 2 days have been rather interesting, for lack of a better word. Yesterday, my heart rate fluxuated from 130 - 150 (norm is 60 - 80). It was bothering me to the point I was having a hard time catching my breath. Today, it's been a tad lower- ranging from 100-120. I had a Dr's appt this morning. She wants me to start on an anxiety med. She thinks my heart rate is jumping so high b/c of stress. What stress?! My life is not stressful in the least bit..... Ha! She also gave me something to help me sleep. I've been waking up having anxiety attacks. She said if the anxiety med doesn't help slow my heart down soon, she will send me to a Cardiologist to do a 24 hour heart monitor. How many people my age (20's) do you know of that are having heart rate problems?! Seriously!

I feel better now that I got that out :)

2 comments:

ChrystieJanuary 21, 2008 at 6:51 PM
Zoloft got me through the first year of motherhood, baby! So, don't feel one second of guilt if you have to take any sort of anxiety meds. Your life IS stressful and you have a lot of things going on, girl! I'll pray it works (and that your insurance covers it, cuz those happy pills are expensive!)...
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* ~ *Jessica* ~ *January 22, 2008 at 11:37 AM
They put me on Zoloft. Our choices are limited since Parker won't get off the boob! It didn't work the last time I was on it, so my fingers are crossed it works this time!!
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