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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The News

Ok, Here goes... bear with me. I'm going to end up crying so this maybe rather choppy.

I went to the OB yesterday. I told him that my cervix feels open. He said, "do you mind if I check you?" Um, obviously not. I was only checked every week during the last half of my pregnancy. I'm kinda used to it. So, he checks me. Then, we talk.

He said he could fit about 1 fingertip in my cervix. And, that is abnormal. (Is ANYTHING in my life 'normal'???) The reason I am having pain with intercourse (and girly things) is because my cervix is open, allowing my bodies normal bacteria to get into my uterus. It causes it to become inflammed and poses a very high risk of infection. Normally, a females cervix is closed and would keep all the normal girly part bacteria in her girly parts. My cervix sucks! He gave me an antibiotic to see if that would take care of the inflammation. He said it could last a week to a few months, maybe even a year. You just never know. If the pain continues, I need to call him and come back in.

As for more babies, he said if we want a 3rd child we need to work on that now. I've had two rough pregnancies thus far. He said the 3rd wouldn't be any better. He said he couldn't guarentee that I would beable to carry a pregnancy. But, they would do everything in their power to help me if that's the option we chose. We would do a cerclage at 12 weeks and I would more than likely be on bedrest. I did very well getting to 34 weeks with Parker, esp since I started going into labor at 27 weeks. Having another preemie is a no brainer, the baby wouldn't make it to term inside me. Obviously, he said he couldn't tell me to " try to have a baby or just give up" b/c that was Adam and I's decision. He just wants to make sure that we are well informed before we make any decisions.

We've thought about if we do try for another one. Is it fair to the baby that we risk its life? What if the baby is born very early, spends months in the NICU, and comes out with multiple problems, or doesn't make it home at all?! What then?! This is when I wish the man upstairs would hand me a note pad with all of the decisions made for me. I'd have proof of what I am suppose to do. This is alot for anybody to handle. I'm young--- why should any body in their 20's be faced with decisions such as this. Heck, why should anybody be told that their chances of having more children is limited or not possible. There are people out there popping out kids left and right that they can't take care of and/or don't even want them! What about those of us who having loving homes and would welcome as many children as possible into them??!!! Chrystie.... I can hear you saying, "Amen" to that! Getting off my soap box..... I'm pretty sure this is not the end of that rant.

After we make the 'to have a baby or not' decision, a hysterectomy is pretty necessary. With my cervix not closing, infections are possible- and I'm at a high risk. They only way to fix that is to get rid of the uterus, etc. This would also alieviate the pain during intercourse, etc.

So, here's the MAJOR decisions I have to make soon- Try to have another baby or not? Schedule a hysterectomy.

There are a million and 1 things running through my head (as you can imagine). I can hardly see straight from tears. Say a prayer, blog family, say a prayer.

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  1. Jess, you are definitely in our prayers. I know it's a big decision you have to make, but I know you'll make the right decision for you and your family.

  2. Oh Jess - I am so so sorry! {{{HUGS}}} I know this was not the news you were hoping for. You will get through this though. My only advice on the baby would be if you want another one to just go for it. Only God knows the outcome and I know that is seriously terrifying but you will never regret trying but you might regret not trying down the road. Of course it's ultimately up to you and Adam and it is much more difficult than that. I will be praying that you find the answers you are looking for and also for your health. You're right, how can a 20 something body fail? It's ok to be bitter about that! Good luck hon, you'll be in my thoughts.

  3. The problem with getting all fired up at the injustice of the fertile world, is that, when it comes down to it, I feel SAD more than anything. Jess, I know how this hurts your heart, and I know from personal experience how much of a BIG DEAL this is. Although I don't actually miss my uterus, I definitely miss and mourn the possibilities it gave me. It's NOT fair. And it DOES suck. And, you WILL make the right decision, whatever that may be. I'm crying right with ya, sweets.

  4. Jess - That is a tough decision! We are sort of having the same dilemma. We want another baby but are so afraid that things will go badly like they did with Avery. I went into labor with her at 29 weeks and they couldn't hold me off. Not only that, but I had a difficult pregnancy in general.

    We are getting close to the now or never stage too just because I'm already 32 and I know as you get older there are more risks involved with pregnancy. Considering that it's already going to be a risky pregnancy we need to decide very soon.

    Lately I've been thinking we should just go for it and hope for the best. Chances are you and I will both have healthy babies next time should either of us decide to go that route. However, it's so scary to imagine all the terrible possibilities. As you know when you already have a SN kid it's very scary to think about having to handle another SN kid. Good luck with whatever you decide!

  5. Im new reading your blog so I dont know if you already posted an update about this.

    I have had 3 extra difficult pregnancies and my third one was unplanned and the doctors even wanted me to finish the pregnancy.

    I know every case is different but God made me bring 3 preemies to the world who are as healthy as they can be.

    Good luck with your decision, I will try it if I were you!


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