Splendid Mayhem: What Do I Do?

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What Do I Do?

Adam has never really sat down and read everything on my blog before. He did today and got mad. He read my "here it is" post and freaked out. He said, I don't think they need to know that kind of stuff. It's to personal. He hates that I think I'm fat. He gets upset at me when I bring it up. I think mostly b/c it scares him, but I don't really know. You don't know the people that are reading that information. I think he has a good point. I struggled with starting a blog in the first place bc there are so many crazy people out there. So, now I don't know what to do. It is such a relief to blog. Now we are in a great disagreement over it. I am mad, he is mad- help me! Do I just erase it or set it to totally private? Or change the link so nobody knows it?

Please say a prayer for me (us) today.

4 comments:

Popcorn HouseFebruary 20, 2008 at 4:23 PM
I stuggle with the privacy of the blogging too. But I figure that a "bad" guy would be more apt to follow you home from a park then find your exact blog link. Now personal stuff....I sometimes think I should do a blog just about Sammy and my feelings, because I would say that it is theraputic to have a place to express your feelings. I have LOVED reading your blog and have found much strength reading your experiences. But you have to do what is best for your family. Though selfishly I want you to keep writing about everything!!!
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KieraFebruary 20, 2008 at 7:47 PM
I also struggle with it. I have so many thoughts about what to write, but my DH would get really mad at some of the sharing. I admire your boldness and at some point hope to follow your example :) Share what you want and know that we are all here if you want to share something offline :)
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The MitchellsFebruary 20, 2008 at 7:55 PM
I have a girlfriend who has a "family" blog that she puts all the fun stuff on about her kiddo and the good-feeling stuff...then she has a private blog that her friends can access that have her heart-stuff on...you can make that one super personal and super private...just a thought to help, because I want to keep reading all the good and the bad
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MelindaFebruary 21, 2008 at 12:42 AM
You know I have issues with the privacy thing. That's why I have one for public access, and one for only a few people to read. I love reading your blogs, and hope you continue to blog, but you do have to do what is best for you and your family. If that means no more blogging, or setting it to private, than so be it. I'll still be here to talk when you need to vent.
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